Hope is hearing the melody of the future. Faith is to dance to it. ~R. Alves

Previously: Part 1 - David's Bridal.

 

Part 2 - Bennigans and Magic Rob (or the reason why I'm determined to be on good behavior tonight)

 

When I last left off, the Bridal party, consisting of Maid of Honor (me), Bridesmaid (Miss B), Wedding soloist and sister of Miss B (Irish Lass), and the Mother of the Bride (MoB), were trouping merrily to Bennigans to feed the hungry soul.  Or stomach.

 

The attempt to try on wedding dresses was a bust, but I resolved the rest of the night wouldn't be a drag.  At least, I think I made such a resolution.  Whether or not I actually did make such a decision, I was faithful to fulfill it.  And then some.  But I had a little help.  I couldn't have done it on my own.

 

It was probably going to be a rather fun... but tame... dinner as we discussed the dresses and clarified issues (such as why Miss B and I abandoned the Bride with the bizarre consultant).  But then Magic Rob appeared on the scene.

 

Ah, Magic Rob... if you only knew how greatly you added to our night.  You'd be so proud.  And it had nothing to do with your clown noses or balloon animals.

 

Apparently we arrived at Bennigans during their family night. And in order to make "family night" more festive, they provide a "corporate entertainer" (or so his nametag proclaimed) to give the kiddies a little extra fun.  The place was practically deserted.  And we, being a group of rather noisy women, attracted our share of attention.  Clearly Magic Rob was not going to pass up the opportunity to wow this bunch.

 

We didn't want him at first.  Or even during the middle.  Or at the end.  But I think we would all regret it if he hadn't come up to our table and said that he heard there was someone getting married, and that he'd make her a special treat.

 

But first a magic trick.  His name is, after all, Magic Rob.  It took two clown noses that he apparently stole from a couple clowns.  I think.  It was supposed to be a funny story but it got a bit bogged down and confused. Just like Magic Rob.  Now, the Bride-to-be despises clowns, yet she was the one who was supposed to hold the clown noses.  And the magic trick did "work" -- if you were five-years-old.

 

Then came the balloon hat creation.  Something special for the bride.  Awww.

 

Except Miss B is deathly afraid of balloons.  Not balloons exactly, per say -- just them popping. And Magic Rob, well... he isn't so good at the pumping of balloons.  I was in the furthest corner of the booth, and the little piece of deflated pink rubber attacked me.  But not after a resounding pop! echoed throughout the empty restaurant, causing Miss B to visibly flinch and shoot a despairing glance my way.  Eventually he was able to make a purple and pink monstrosity for my bridal friend's head -- all the while cracking jokes about marriage and weddings.  Or what he thought were jokes.  As Miss B said later, "the wheel was running but the hamster was dead."  He left us with the image of a organ horror-movie sound when the groom lifts the bridal veil, and a recessional of "Another Bites the Dust" by Queen.  Yes, I am a great fan of Queen, but even I have my limitations.

 

So that was Magic Rob, at our table for five minutes (and five minutes longer than we would have liked) before he had to leave for the night.  But he was most entertaining in the hour afterward.

 

Remember from my previous post, how I mentioned that I did manage to eke out a few tears -- so many, in fact, I couldn't see.  Well, this was the point.  It also around this point I realized that one cannot breathe chicken cordon bleu.  Yes, I learned the hard way what "choking with laughter" truly means.

 

Now, this is the part where the night gets a little fuzzy for me.  I don't know if it was the effective combination of David's Bridal and Magic Rob, or what, really, but our waiter and I, well, I can't explain it, as I don't really understand it.  Although, if you call up any of the other girls, I'm sure they'd tell you exactly how it went down.

 

Apparently the waiter spent the evening flirting with me.  I say "apparently" because if he was, he did a rather shoddy job of it.  Apparently I spent the evening flirting back.  I say "apparently" because I cannot flirt.  It's a fact.  I couldn't flirt my way out of a paper bag with a map, a GPS device, and a neon sign flashing "exit this way!"

 

However.

 

First I must explain that I try to be nice to the servers.  The way I see it, they've got to deal with rude customers all day on rubbish pay, so why don't I try to be a nice customer.  Or at least treat them like fellow human beings.  So I started out as the "ice-water-with-a-lemon-please-and-thank-you" girl (and yes, that is how he read back my drink order).  But then, somehow, I turned into the "escaped-from-the-sanitarium-sarcastic-outgoing-laughs-a-lot" girl.  Or something like that.  I can only handle so many hypens at a time.

 

It was completely innocent.  I was merely speaking my mind.  And my mind is fairly sweet and inoffensive and... and...

 

Ok, there is a reason the night is being known as "Zeph's dry run as the drunken Maid of Honour."

 

I won't get into the details.  They still make me wince (and laugh) at the memory.  But let's just say the final quote of the night was from Irish Lass (who'd not seen me since high school) as she proclaimed: "Wow, you have really changed.  But in a good way.  You're loads more fun."

 

The best compliment was that, for the rest of the night, there wasn't a moment when the laughter stopped.  It was, albeit, mostly at my expense (via Magic Rob and the waiter), but since I contributed most of the comments, I do not mind.

 

But, all kidding aside, the greatest part was having a fun girly evening with my best friend, knowing that these times will get fewer and far between, all the while creating a memory that will continue to live on for years to come.

 

Unfortunately.

 

 

 

Quotes from Part 2 - Bennigans and Magic Rob

 

 

Bride-to-be: "I don't remember this."

Me: "That's because you were with the Groom-to-be.  Sitting on a bench.  K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

Irish Lass: "I'm glad you spelled it out or I might actually know what you're talking about."

 

Magic Rob (pointing to nametag): "As you can see, my name's Magic Rob."

Me: "Hello, Magic Rob!  Your mother must have been feeling extra inspired when you were born."

Magic Rob (gives signature laugh): "Yeah.  Inspired.  Or on Novacaine.  Is it Novacaine?  What is it you ladies use when you give birth?"

(We stare at him)

Bride-to-be: "Well, clearly she was on some kind of drug."

 

Irish Lass: "We should have had Magic Rob at David's Bridal.  He would have kept the 7 o'clocks away."

Bride-to-be: "Yeah, he'd just have to ask if they wanted to see a magic trick, and they'd be afraid to walk past him into the store."

Miss B: "Or he could just do that weird laugh."

MoB: "Or try to make a joke."

Me (pretending to be Magic Rob): "Hey, girls, I've got a magic trick for you! Wanna see how I can make these balls disappear and reappear in your hand?"

 

Miss B: "That's right, you don't know that she dated the Unibomber."

Me: "Unintentionally dated."

Irish Lass: "How do you unintentionally date someone?"

Me: "You go, 'Hmm... dinner, drinks, movie, he paid for everything, walked me home, and wore cologne.  I guess that was a date."

Irish Lass: "Wow."

Me: "Yeah, it's a gift."

 

Me: "She's the Bride."

Bride-to-be: "She's the Maid of Honor."

Me: "I get to do all her dirty work so all she has to do is sit back and enjoy the wedding."

Waiter: "And how dirty is the work?"

Bride-to-be: "Oh, it's very dirty.  Very, very, dirty."

Me (staring at her in confusion): "What are you talking about?"

 

Miss B: "Nice use of the word 'euphemism.'"

Me: "I thought if I used a big word, he'd go away."

 

Me (reading from menu): "'A melt-in-your-mouth combination of ice cream.'  What a pity.  I was really looking forward to having the kind of ice cream that doesn't melt in my mouth."

Waiter: "Sarcastic much?"

Me: "Define what you mean by 'much.'"

 

Waiter: "Just don't take the purple pills.  Stay away from all things purple.  Trust me." (leaves)

Me (bewildered): "Purple pills?  Am I missing something?"

Miss B: "The only purple pill I can think of is Nexium."

Bride-to-be: "Maybe he thinks your insanity can be attributed to heartburn."

 

Miss B: "She's the shy one."

Waiter: "You? Shy?"

Me: "I hide it well."

 

Irish Lass: "He was flirting with you.  Not very well, but he was definitely flirting."

Me: "I'm offended!"

Miss B: "You were flirting back!"

Me: "I'm still offended!"

 

Irish Lass: "Forget the champagne at the reception -- you'll have Zephaniah.  With her, no one will need to actually get drunk."